By Chortles Weakly
10/28/2019
Chik-fil-A marketing executives have reportedly greeted Kanye West’s new album “Jesus is King” with a mix of elation, bemusement, and sheer panic. “Closed on Sunday”, the fourth track on his long-awaited new project, may be the most talked about among evangelicals who are on the record like a youth group on a fellowship hall nugget tray.
CFA’s best minds and top consultants are frantically analyzing lines like “Closed on Sunday, you’re my Chick-fil-A / You’re my number one, with the lemonade,” though, in an email seen by this writer, they were reminded not to “work on this on Sunday though the temptation to do so may be great given the magnitude of this intriguing opportunity.” The album’s Friday release put America’s favorite fast food restaurant in something of a pickle.
Company marketing staff we spoke to outlined a variety of possible approaches as well as concern. “Some of us think we should just let this play out.” said one VP. This may be a tough stance to maintain since early reports from stores on Monday described employees and customers alike breaking out into song, sometimes accompanied by something like dancing. “We have to get ahead of this,” said our source. “Some guidelines may be needed for the store managers. The sort of Muzak version of CCM we play in the stores now never caused this.”
Some CFA marketers worry that a revamp of the company’s in-store music philosophy may be in order. “How lame does our piped-in music sound next to Kanye? It’s a real challenge.”
Several CFA staffers are reportedly researching “clean rap” and questioning how it might be incorporated into the Chik-fil-A environment. Besides the conflicted marketing minds company supply and logistics staff are also scrambling. “What if we run out of lemonade because of this song deal? What if bulk purchases next Wednesday afternoon from churches just clean us out? We don’t want this to turn into a Popeye’s crisis,” said one CFA supply officer, alluding to another chicken restaurant which ran out of a hot-selling item. “This week we’re just trying to keep our heads above water until next Sunday.”
(satire...probably)
10/28/2019
Chik-fil-A marketing executives have reportedly greeted Kanye West’s new album “Jesus is King” with a mix of elation, bemusement, and sheer panic. “Closed on Sunday”, the fourth track on his long-awaited new project, may be the most talked about among evangelicals who are on the record like a youth group on a fellowship hall nugget tray.
CFA’s best minds and top consultants are frantically analyzing lines like “Closed on Sunday, you’re my Chick-fil-A / You’re my number one, with the lemonade,” though, in an email seen by this writer, they were reminded not to “work on this on Sunday though the temptation to do so may be great given the magnitude of this intriguing opportunity.” The album’s Friday release put America’s favorite fast food restaurant in something of a pickle.
Company marketing staff we spoke to outlined a variety of possible approaches as well as concern. “Some of us think we should just let this play out.” said one VP. This may be a tough stance to maintain since early reports from stores on Monday described employees and customers alike breaking out into song, sometimes accompanied by something like dancing. “We have to get ahead of this,” said our source. “Some guidelines may be needed for the store managers. The sort of Muzak version of CCM we play in the stores now never caused this.”
Some CFA marketers worry that a revamp of the company’s in-store music philosophy may be in order. “How lame does our piped-in music sound next to Kanye? It’s a real challenge.”
Several CFA staffers are reportedly researching “clean rap” and questioning how it might be incorporated into the Chik-fil-A environment. Besides the conflicted marketing minds company supply and logistics staff are also scrambling. “What if we run out of lemonade because of this song deal? What if bulk purchases next Wednesday afternoon from churches just clean us out? We don’t want this to turn into a Popeye’s crisis,” said one CFA supply officer, alluding to another chicken restaurant which ran out of a hot-selling item. “This week we’re just trying to keep our heads above water until next Sunday.”
(satire...probably)
